Day Thirteen:The Private Message

On this morning, something inside me convinced myself to send you a letter, something you could see when you’re finally out.

The note reads: I love you. I don’t know how much I miss saying that to you. And I know that saying it now would be useless, cause i can’t hear those same words from you anytime soon. But just know that it’s never worthless. You were never worthless to me.
I tried so hard to hide what I want to say, but it won’t change what I’m feeling.
Things may change, maybe one of us would. It’s a lie to say that this won’t change a single thing between us. It’s fucked up to have to wait for you months after being with you for only less than two months. You made your decision with those drugs. Even if you don’t love me, at least love your family.
So if you are out and you find me gone, don’t be sad. If you love me enough, you won’t let me go. If you still love me enough, you’ll do all you can to find me. Make me remember us.
I miss u so much. Till then, will love you still.
I didn’t know why I sent this message to you, but I just want you to know that there’s still hope. I didn’t want you to feel like I’m leaving you alone while I’m gone.
Today I woke up to a feeling of emptiness. All I had in mind was to wake up and get to work.
Mum started bitching around for no reason, yet I couldn’t be bothered to stick around to listen. I had calls and messages on my phone, yet I couldn’t be bothered who they were or what the messages contain. Today, I didn’t give an absolute damn to hear what people wanted to say. What I would give a damn for was your footsteps walking through that door.
I realised that people don’t care how I feel about you. They can’t see why I’m going through all this pain. They are selfish, just like you. They only care about what they want. They didn’t care that I have someone in my life, that I’m feeling fucked up day by day, that I wasn’t in the mood to be a friend to them.
A friend told me to get over it, and another told me to get over to him already. You are stupid enough to leave me alone these past thirteen days.
As the night continues, I can’t help thinking that maybe one day when you’re out, and I’m gone, how would our paths cross again. Would you find me shuk? I hope you do, because at least I’ll know that I didn’t live like this or cried for you in vain.

P.S: Missing you so much it hurts.
P.P.S: Will love you still.

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